What To Change
by PandaFire McMango
Summary: Collins has a question to ask Angel...but maybe what he needs more is reassurance. AngelCollins fluff to the max, and a oneshot. i might continue in smut form...but probably not.


**AngelCollins fluff alert! BREE BREE BREE! heh heg. just a little fluffly stuff for yall.**

"Baby?"

"Hmm?"

"You awake?"

"I wasn't…but yeah. What is it?"

"I don't know…I just can't get to sleep," Collins whispered. Angel turned onto her side, keen eyes finding her lover's face in the dim glow of the street lamps from outside. He was sitting up in bed, his wide chest bare and his chin propped on his upright fist. The sheets rose up to cover his legs, then dipped down and ended at his waist. He looked pensive and somehow sad. Angel reached through the covers and found his foot with her delicate fingers. She squeezed it gently and saw him smile.

"What is it, hon?" she asked again. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. His own hand reached down and moved back and forth until it bumped against her forehead. He started to stroke her temples with the tips of his fingers, nails just brushing the short black curls at her hairline. Angel closed her eyes. If he kept on doing that, she was going to fall asleep again and miss everything he said.

"Angel…if there was one thing in the world you could change, one thing you could redo or flip…what would it be?" Collins asked. She raised her eyebrows. He looked down at her, lying so peacefully in the dull yellow light. His fingers kept on gently trailing across her forehead, moving in a steady rhythm.

"Is that what's keeping you up? You're thinking of what you would change?" she asked softly. Collins shrugged.

"I asked you a question first."

"Stubborn."

"And proud of it." Angel repressed a giggle. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

"I would…make sure that I stayed out of the Cat Scratch Club on the 15th of last March," she finally said. Collins frowned.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because," Angel said quietly, "that was the night I was a little too careless. That was the night I let someone who I didn't know give me something that I didn't want." She didn't need to explain what she meant. Collins understood it fine. He gave no sign of his understanding though, only moving his fingers down the bridge of her nose and across her cheekbones. They stopped to touch her soft brown lips with two fingertips. Angel kissed his fingers and bit the inside of her bottom lip. Who would want to talk about something like that?

"I would say something like that…only I'm really not sure when I got careless," he said slowly. "There was a lot of stuff I was doing that might have…you know."

"I do."

"I think that if there was one thing I'd want to do, it would be to make sure that I knew you were somewhere out there…maybe not meet you before we did—"

"Meet though we did in unconventional circumstances," Angel reminded him. He snorted and poked her chin lightly. Then, as if deciding that it served no further purpose to be sitting up, he straightened his legs and lay down on his back. Angel slipped one of her hands underneath his head like a cushion. Collins settled back and sighed.

"If I could have known that you were going to come into my life someday…well, I might have done more to make that life into something that I could be proud to share with you. I mean…you deserve more than what I've got to offer. I hate that. I want to take back so much of my life and just turn it around…or maybe smack myself upside the head and be done with it," Collins told her, his voice suddenly hoarse. Angel could tell that he really believed what he was saying. It almost made her laugh, but she held back for his sake. Her hand cupped the back of his head a little more.

"Baby, why are you ashamed of what you've done with your life? So you've made bad choices; show me a person who hasn't and I'll show you a person who never got out of the fetal position. I've made some pretty horrible decisions in my life, hard as it is to believe." Collins chuckled and turned sideways so that they were face to face.

"I know, I know…It's just that—"

"No. Shut up." She quieted him by putting one finger over his lips. "I _am_ proud to share this life with you. And you tell me that I deserve more than you or what you have one more time, I'm going to kick your ass halfway to Colorado. Got it?" Collins rolled his eyes and laughed. Angel smiled and laughed too. Then, her face growing more serious, she put one hand on the side of his face and looked straight into his eyes.

"I love you, Tom Collins. And don't let anything ever make you think otherwise." It was hard to keep looking at him, what with the emotions that were showing so clearly on his face. But she did not let her gaze wander until he looked away and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. She turned her eyes away then.

"Angel…I…I just…I can't tell you what I'm feeling right…because it's too big to talk about," he said softly a moment later. Angel didn't have time to look back at him before she felt his hand begin to caress her cheek. She closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of his hand. And just as she was about to open her eyes, she felt his lips on hers. They always so much more gentle and soft than her memories of past kisses. Angel let her hand drift up to the back of his neck, where it pressed him more firmly against her. His arms went around her slight frame and their legs tangled together. Angel let herself fall into the kiss, into him and everything he was. There was a limit to just how long a girl could go without kissing like this.

When they broke for air, a wonderful silence hung between them. Angel felt his hands move over her back and her waist, warm and strong and perfect. There was a whisper in her ear, and then they were kissing again, this time opening their mouths to allow tongues to meet and bump and touch. The hairs at the nape of Angel's neck stood up. She slipped one hand underneath the waist on his sweatpants and trailed her fingers over his hip.

Collins would never truly believe that he deserved her. But she could do her best to convince him. And Angel never hesitated to do her best.

Never.

**You like? **

**Chapter updates are on the way...but i will be in Poland ( blech) for a week as of tommorrow, so there will be a week from of updates before that. i'll wor as hard as i can to get something up before then. love yall!**


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